Well it’s officially December. If you are the kind of person that has already finished your holiday shopping, I am in awe of you (and silently hating you at the same time-lol!).  I feel like it takes me forever to finish my shopping. Some of it is legit-I do have seven children to shop for! And part of it is that I am always on the hunt for the gift that says, “I know you” and I think that just takes longer.

If you are like me and have teenagers and young adults, you know that they can be tricky to buy for. They’ve outgrown the age of Barbies, Legos and sports items that were so easy to find and so exciting for them to open. I remember my son literally shaking with excitement just when he saw the packaging for Thomas the Tank Engine while he was opening a gift.  It’s just not all that exciting opening a sweater or a pair of sweatpants or unwrapping a gift card, but that doesn’t mean that your gifts can’t be fun and meaningful. So…how do you find the perfect gift for your child that says, “I know you?” 

A few years ago, I came across the book The 5 Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman. I had read the original The 5 Love Languages and was so excited to find that there was a version for parents. The premise of both books is that people feel loved and show their love in five distinct ways. Gary states that when you uncover your child’s primary love language, your child is better able to receive the love he/she needs and in turn feel more emotionally fulfilled.  

These 5 Love Languages include:

• Physical touch-(hugging, cuddling, wrestling, hand holding)
• Words of Affirmation-(hearing I love you, finding post -it notes/love notes, receiving texts about how much they mean to you, getting praise about specific things) 
• Quality Time-(getting your undivided attention, going on special outings, spending time alone doing something together)
• Gift giving-(receiving heartfelt gifts that let them know you care about them)
• Acts of Service-(helping them with projects, practicing for a game/recital, or doing things to make life easier for them)

Although it is important to show all five of the love languages when your children are small, as they grow up they tend to have one or two as their primary love language. I’m sure you have all heard the expression, ‘loving each child differently.’ If you were wondering how exactly you can do this, just ask each of your children what makes them feel the most loved. 

When it comes to holiday shopping, while some children would be thrilled with cold cash or gift cards, others may feel empty if the gifts are not personalized or don’t resonate with their love languages. I thought it might be helpful to share some gift ideas for the young adults in your life for each of the different love languages: 

Physical touch: purchase a gift that is touch oriented such as a soft pillow or blanket or comfy sweater. You might consider a back massage or a spa manicure that uses hot towels or hot rocks. 

Words of Affirmation: write a special card or poem for your child letting them know how you feel about them. Make a scrapbook highlighting some of their accomplishments that you are proud of. Find a sign or picture with a meaningful saying on it. 

Gift giving: Find an item that is part of an existing collection they own, or find something they mentioned to you in passing and you remembered. Personalized gifts or monogrammed items are another great idea. If they are away for the holidays, consider a surprise delivery or a care package.

Quality time: Sign up for a class you can take together such as a yoga or painting class; plan a movie night or schedule a specific time to do something together. Tickets to a concert or show or dinner reservations that were made in advance for a special dinner out are other ideas for quality time.

Acts of service– A coupon booklet is a great idea where they can cash in a coupon for things that they would normally do themselves such as a carwash or car vacuum or a deep clean of their room. If they are living out on their own or at college you could prepare some of their favorite meals for them or do a grocery shop for them. 

Finding gifts that say “I know you” is so much easier when you know your child’s primary love language. The extra time and effort that you put into finding ways to make your child feel loved will be worth it and will make your gift giving more meaningful and fulfilling. As the saying goes, ‘It is in the giving, that we receive.’

Happy Shopping!

Xo,

Joan